January 16th, 2020
I watched 3 YouTube videos on how to give myself an injection on my backside.
This is infertility.
I’ve been injecting my body with hormones and taking pills because it’s broken and doesn’t do it on its own.
This is infertility.
I gave myself a pity party and cried because after 3 weeks of injections, there was a thicker and longer needle that would soon be part of my daily routine. I was tired of it all and just wanted to not have to do this.
This is infertility.
I follow a group of women on social media where some are just starting their journey and some have had it far worse than I have. I even have family and coworkers on their and we each know things about one another that those close to us may not. These women inspire me and sadden me because none of them deserve this.
This is infertility.
I get mad when people who constantly choose other people or things over their children yet continue to procreate.
This is infertility.
Pregnancy tests give me anxiety.
This is infertility.
I feel guilty when I get overwhelmed with the IVF path because there was once a time when I was terrified I wouldn’t even have one baby.
This is infertility.
When I see my son enjoy other kids and babies, it makes me yearn to give him a sibling and scared I can’t.
This is infertility.
I talk about my journey to anyone who will listen because it can feel lonely and isolating being in the club nobody wants to belong to.
This is infertility.
I’ve had two surgeries to correct my broken uterus who couldn’t seem to get her crap together.
This is infertility.
I think people who ask others when they are having more kids are mean, and then I feel mean for thinking that way.
This is infertility.
People tell me to just relax and not think about it. Like this is the magic cure all. I think they are ignorant and write them off.
This is infertility.
I get overwhelmed by all of it. The tests, the blood work, the appointments, the injections, the emotions, and the guilt can consume me, but then there are days I feel calm and know it is going to be ok. I remind myself to focus on each step of the process and know there is a greater plan. That notion along with my son gets me through each and every day.
This is infertility.
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