Resilient

Hey sis.

Look at you with all of that hope.

You are blogging away about your first fertility appointment and are secretly convinced this will all work out right now.

Oh sweet girl. You have no idea.

When you see that positive pregnancy test after one month of meds, your positive attitude is affirmed. You knew it would happen.

But then that hope dies as you feel the blood rush.

After months of sadness, you get back up. You’ve got this.

The new meds will work. It’s so common to take a little bit.

But the months continue to pass. Everyone else is pregnant, but not you.

You experience more loss, more heartbreak.

Baby showers slowly kill you on the inside.

You become open about your struggles because you need people to know you do want kids.

After years, something shifts and you get your time.

Because you are no longer who you were when this all began, you don’t expect it to work out.

You wait for it.

Wait for the catastrophe.

But it never comes and at some point years later, as you hold your beautiful children, you cry.

You cry because you remember that girl you once were and think about all she went through.

But also because of who she became along the way.

She is strong. She is resilient. She is a fighter.

Most importantly- she is Mama.

- Jessica Ruth