I still can't believe we are here. If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I thought being a mom was going to happen, I would have convinced you it wasn't in the cards. It's important to me to share my story so you can fully understand why I started this foundation.
I knew being parents was going to be a journey for us and was proved right a few months before our wedding. My OB said I was suspicious of PCOS and put my on Chlomid.
On December 6th, we found out we were pregnant and December 8th that all came crashing down. We lost our little at 7 weeks. I always thought it would take us awhile to get pregnant but miscarriages never crossed my mind. How little I knew then.
That miscarriage wrecked me. I felt so much loss and realized it was going to be harder than I thought. I ended my career in education and started a new one that allowed me to attend the fertility appointments and took me away from being around kids on a daily basis.
After several appointments I was referred to a fertility specialist and learned I had a septum in my uterus. It was removed in September and with the help of Femara and Ovidrel, we got pregnant again in February. This pregnancy was different. I had confidence and felt nauseated. It was after surgery so I knew would go well.
Then at 6 weeks, we lost them.
The depression was dark. How many losses can a heart take? I mourned for these babies daily.
Our next step was to pursue IVF, but that was halted by an unexpected miracle.
On the 2 year anniversary of our first loss, I was approached by a woman who read our infertility blog. She had a cousin who already had a baby and was pregnant for another. She knew adoption was what she wanted. As much as I tried to contain it, I loved that baby instantly.
This amazing woman who birthed our son will always be in my heart. She let us go to every appointment, called us the parents from day one, was reassuring in her confidence, and gave me all of the hospital experiences mamas get like skin to skin and our own space. I still remember saying goodbye. We hugged knowing this was it. After 7 months of constant communication, she was to move on with her life and we were to as well. I still think about her daily. She was selfless every step and I am forever indebted to her. Our beautiful boy is almost 4 and not a day goes by that I am not amazed he is actually here.
Once our son was 4 months old, we wanted him to have a sibling. We felt guilty for even thinking it knowing we were lucky to be parents at all. We knew IVF was our option and decided to use donor embryos because we knew love makes family, not DNA, and wanted our son’s sibling to have a special story too.
Before we were to start, I had to have another surgery since the septum hadn’t been removed in full from the first surgery. At that point I was convinced my body was not meant to carry a child but still pushed forward. I needed to do everything I could.
Fast forward to March 2020, when the world shut down, we were at transfer day and filled with hope. I did all the things. I ate the fries, wore socks, ate pineapple, had zero caffeine, and anything else I could to feel like I had control.
8 days later I fell to my knees and balled when I saw my HCG levels. We were pregnant. I had been here before though, and wouldn’t feel better until those numbers doubled. Two days later, they more than doubled. Our baby was here.
I thought I would feel confident after hearing their heartbeat, but quickly learned that confidence was short lived. At 16 weeks we learned I had a Circumvallet Placenta. I knew it was too good to be true. After looking up my condition and seeing the risks of premature birth, low birth weight and loss, the anxiety returned. I spent the next 15 weeks just trying to make it to the next appointment. I even bought a dopplar to hear his heartbeat.
But my little guy kept reassuring me. He kicked when I needed it and continued to prove he was thriving.
On December 12, 2020. That not so little man was born at 9 pounds and 7 ounces. His beautiful cry was everything my heart needed and to this day I am still in disbelief I was able to do it.
So yes, the journey was long and often dark, but it also led us to these beautiful boys. I learned so much about how love is what makes a family and what pregnancy after loss feels like.
I firmly believe in sharing our story to give hope. I also want to be an advocate for anyone who needs it. This is one of the worst things a person can go through and should never be experienced alone. It is also ridiculously expensive and my goal is to help alleviate that cost with our fundraising efforts.
So whether you are here because you have been there and want to support our cause or are currently experiencing this tough road, I am glad you are here because we have a lot of work to do, together.
The full and raw account of our story can be found here.
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